Parents urged to fight gangs

Kids are not to be out running the streets.
After dark they need to be home. That was my rule. When on dates they had to be home by 11 PM. The later at night a child is out the more chance of getting into trouble of some kind. Parents need to report to each other on what they see children do that needs to be corrected.
Most of all parents need to spend time with the kids working playing what ever, give them the chance to be responsible and help them to learn to be a good and productive person.
As a school bus driver, I expected my kids to follow my rules, it took time but they learned to and the grade school kids some of them cried when I quit. Kids need rules to guide them and to give them confidence they are good kids.

Great going Sandra Allen - promote more violence. I guess you can call that job security!

I was at this meeting and Sandra Allen was not promoting more violence. She was putting Hispanic parent fears to rest. They fear disciplining their children because their kids tell them they will call the cops. The parents fear the unknown that the Police and HHS may bring, therefore in a sense, they are held hostage by their more Americanized children. She was not advocating for violence, she was empowering these parents to do their job as parents!

Thanks to those who stepped up to the plate to make this event happen: our Hispanic community leaders who have proven time and time again they care about our community just as much as us "white folks."

To: other. options;

Where in the article does it say that Sandra Allen is promoting violence?

What is your way of disciplining?
Tell us, you seem to be a self proclaimed know it all.

I think that what was said at this meeting was pretty acurate but the one thing that was left out was the fact that kids now adays have the idea that gangsters are kool and i know that from experience for im a former 18st gang member from l.a. And when lil kids see me and tell me im kool cause my tattoos and cause ive been in jail a few times i know somethings wrong.

Spanking a child is not violence. When the world was right, and a teacher had the guts and right to call a childs parents to complain about their behavior, the child got disiplined at home...again. Sometimes a "time out" is not the answer. I am involved with children on a daily basis, and I am constantly reminded of what wonderful parents I had...and yes...they used to spank the hell out of me when I deserved it....which was often. I'm tired of the "you can't touch me...my folks will sue you." attitude. Adults/parents need to regain control.

gangs have been in columbus for a long time and when we tried to address it earlier we were sent away and told we were over reacting........well here you go years later the same gangs that were there 7 years ago are going strong today. Only if you would of listened things could of not gone this far. Sorry to hear this but i guess you were told (only to fall on deaf ears).......

I agree with what Sanchito said. Sometimes these young kids come from good caring homes, but they're enticed into gang activity because they want to be cool, not because they have no other support. Sometimes it's peer pressure. Parents really need to know who their kids are hanging out with and where they are. Making it fun to hang out at their own home is a good start to keeping track of their child's activities.

Personally I’ve never understood the need for spanking. I have always seen it as a way for frustrated parents to get their anger out. It’s not like all of a sudden their kids started acting up. They weren’t properly disciplined from the start and by the time the parents realize this they have to go to extreme measures to control them. Kids learn by example. You show me a loud, obnoxious kid and I’ll show you a loud, obnoxious parent. I believe 100% that the main reason parents physically discipline their kids is because they’re bigger than them and it gives them a sense of control. After a child reaches a certain age a parent becomes afraid to hit them because they might hit back. Raise your children to live in the real world. If they need discipline take something away from them like a favorite toy or game, computer or TV time. Don’t let them go to a friend’s house or a birthday party. This is what happens after they become adults. If they break the rules at work or the laws of society something is taken away. They could lose their job, pay a fine or spend time in jail. This is what you should prepare them for. How many times have you seen in the news where police arrest a murderer or rapist and they smack him around a little and get charged with police brutality? If they don’t deserve it then what kid does? If you need to do something drastic threaten to sell something of theirs on a garage sale or give it to Goodwill, and then follow through if needed. A big problem seems to be empty threats. How often have you been somewhere and heard a parent say “One more time and we’re leaving”, over and over. If you say it, do it. This weekend I saw a kid hit his brother right after his mom smacked him. Kids learn by example and I didn’t think the parents were acting much better than the kids but I didn’t see anyone smacking them. I know that some parents won’t agree with what I’m saying but think of it this way; if you did something wrong at work and your boss spanked you, would you figure you deserved it or would you file a lawsuit and get him fired. Don’t your kids deserve to be treated the same way that you expect to be treated?

It's good that there is finally acknowledgement that there are gangs in the community and having meetings is a start. This might prevent new gang members but what to do about the ones that are already there? They probably weren't at the meeting.

To all the people that think spanking is a good thing just because that's how they grew up. There was a time when children were expected to be seen and not heard. They were treated more as objects than children. There was a time when women couldn't vote and were treated as little more than property. There was a time in this country when people owned other people as slaves. You might have been brought up in a certain way but that doesn't make it right. Society has evolved over the years and most parents are intelligent enough to realize that the past is not always correct and there are better ways to treat people including children. The lack of discipline you see today isn't from not spanking it's from not disciplining in a positive manner. Be firm but fair. Above all else let them know that they are loved and appreciated. Turn the TV off, put the newspaper down and give them some attention.

What if the city built a wall in each gangs neighborhood and let them cover that with graffiti? They could spend more time on their art work and maybe get some help with their spelling and grammar.

Why is spanking even an issue regarding this? What parent, especially a single mother at approximately 5'-4" is going to spank their 5'-11" teenage son? Even at 10 or 11 years old, a spanking on the butt seems ridiculous.
It starts way before this age. There are other ways of demanding respect & disciplining.
Often the lack of discipline is already seen in 3-5 year olds that are left to run wild, screaming through a store with the parents ignoring the situation or nowhere to even be seen. I see this every time I get groceries or go to Walmart.
If kids cannot be controlled at this young age, how would anyone expect for them to obey any discipline as a teen?
Anyone agree?

That pretty much sums it up.

This is in response to a couple of the others. "Back when I was a kid" we did not have metal detectors in schools, or people being shot in town. I can remember having a gun or two in my car at 16, for hunting-not for intimidation or to build "street cred". When I was a kid the street lights told me when to go home. When I was 10, 12, 14, whatever, I respected my parents trying to point me in the right direction, but there was also the fear of getting my butt paddled if I wandered too far out of line. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating child abuse, but I'm certainly in favor of getting thier undivided attention. I had privelages revoked, spankings, stern talks, whatever held the most water at the time. You must be a parent first and a friend second, even if they get upset. They will thank you later. As far as this "gang" business goes, it seems to be centered around the Latinos. It also seems that maybe the parents are afraid of the authorities because of their own illegal status, not being turned in for child abuse. This town is not that damn big. The beat cops could probably tell you where the "gang" activity is. Please do some real police work, round up the bad apples, prosecute, convict, and incarcerate the punks that think this is an acceptable way to live. If you actually had an authentic crackdown I believe it would consist of about 75-125 criminals, 90% of which are already suspect in some form or fashion. It is already out of control, and the CPD's lack of effort helps spawn more every day. If it is beyond CPD's capabilities, by all means get some county, state or federal help. Don't expect the parents of criminals or delinquents to do your job, when they aren't even doing theirs.

There is absolutely, positively no substitute for engaged parenting. No amount of government spending or state programs or county agencies can ever effectively replace concerned, involved parenting.

If a kid needs a spanking to get their attention, then so be it. That's the parents' decision and theirs alone. Some kids are just a little hard of hearing and an attention booster now and then is needed.

Tend your own backyard.

You make it sound like I'm saying don't punish or discipline the kids and that is not at all what I mean. I'm just saying there are better ways to do it. "When I was a kid" so called spankings were administered with a garden hose, broom handle or some other blunt object. Burning with matches was another favorite. I do believe you need to get their attention sometimes but kids shouldn't live in fear of their parents. If a child is taught to behave because they don't want to lose a privilege or something then they will carry that into their adult lives.

Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves. Extensive research data is now available to support a direct correlation between corporal punishment in childhood and aggressive or violent behavior in the teenage and adult years. Virtually all of the most dangerous criminals were regularly threatened and punished in childhood. It is nature's plan that children learn attitudes and behaviors through observation and imitation of their parents' actions, for good or ill. Thus it is the responsibility of parents to set an example of empathy and wisdom.
In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs. But his greatest need is for his parents' undivided attention. In these busy times, few children receive sufficient time and attention from their parents, who are often too distracted by their own problems and worries to treat their children with patience and empathy. It is surely wrong and unfair to punish a child for responding in a natural way to having important needs neglected. For this reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long run, it is also clearly unjust.
Punishment distracts the child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective and humane way. As the educator John Holt wrote, "When we make a child afraid, we stop learning dead in its tracks." A punished child becomes preoccupied with feelings of anger and fantasies of revenge, and is thus deprived of the opportunity to learn more effective methods of solving the problem at hand. Thus, a punished child learns little about how to handle or prevent similar situations in the future.
The phrase "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is not from the Bible but from Samuel Butler's "Hudibras", a 17th Century satirical poem. The poem, like his novel, The Way of All Flesh, was written to expose and denounce violence against children.
Punishment interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving toward someone who hurts us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect. Punishment, even when it appears to work, can produce only superficially good behavior based on fear, which can only take place until the child is old enough to resist. In contrast, cooperation based on respect will last permanently, bringing many years of mutual happiness as the child and parent grow older.
Many parents never learned in their own childhood that there are positive ways of relating to children. When punishment does not accomplish the desired goals, and if the parent is unaware of alternative methods, punishment can escalate to more frequent and dangerous actions against the child.
Anger and frustration which cannot be safely expressed by a child become stored inside; angry teenagers do not fall from the sky. Anger that has been accumulating for many years can come as a shock to parents whose child now feels strong enough to express this rage. Punishment may appear to produce "good behavior" in the early years, but always at a high price, paid by parents and by society as a whole, as the child enters adolescence and early adulthood.
Physical punishment gives the dangerous and unfair message that "might makes right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are. The child then concludes that it is permissible to mistreat younger or smaller children. When he becomes an adult, he can feel little compassion for those less fortunate than he is, and fears those who are more powerful. This will hinder the establishment of meaningful relationships so essential to an emotionally fulfilling life.
Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems. If a child does not observe a parent solving problems in a creative and humane way, it can be difficult for him to learn to do this himself. For this reason, unskilled parenting often continues into the next generation.
Gentle instruction, supported by a strong foundation of love and respect, is the only truly effective way to bring about commendable behavior based on strong inner values, instead of superficially "good" behavior based only on fear.

Im not saying its violence but...

How old are you and how many childred do you have? How many are grown and away from home now on their own?

Parents should be parents, they are not supposed to be their childrens best friend. Totally out of whack and there is nothing wrong with a few whacks when a child is misbehaving and does not stop when told, etc. Worked for me and my 6 siblings just fine, none of us has gone out and killed anyone........

Again, I am not saying that you should spoil your children or not discipline them. I am pointing out that you can discipline/punish them without being physical. I completely agree you don't have to be friends with them. I am 58 with 4 grown children and I never laid a hand on any of them and they haven't killed anyone or ever been in trouble with the law. So I know there are alternatives that work. I have four brothers and we were on the receiving end of the "whacks". Two of them have been in jail so it's not 100% effective either.

You may not have killed anyone but you seem to have a hard time controlling your temper. Is that from being beaten as a child? Do you feel good about hitting your kids? Must make you feel pretty big!

Alright settle down....Violence wont Justify anthing. Sometimes what kids Exactly need is a person in thier life Very nuturing and willing to listen. After all, without support from people, No one would have the self esteem to Strive to be thier best!

Steve, you are sure missing Sandra's point. I talked with another parent who heard the same message as "other.options." Hitting children is WRONG WRONG WRONG. She was TELLING these parents to use CP, she was promoting it by telling them it was OK and not illegal to hit their kids. Great..another advocate of violence. What do you think these children are going to learn from the violence that corporal punishment supports? Yes, set rules..yes, be involved in your kids lives..yes set boundries..yes, make them accountable with proper consequences of a non-voilent nature. If you, Steve, cannot teach and lead your kids by example without hitting them, you should not be a parent. I've been involved with youths from gangs, parents frustrated withit, and it takes a LOT of work. But...with commitment and effort from the parents and the community, you CAN reach these kids without hitting. I'm a dad, by the way, of 2 sons, raised without ever hitting them. PLease..don't ever support or advocate smacking children when there are so many other ways to teach these kids self discipline. It's not easy...but isn't it worth it in the long run? Thanks.